How To Be An Adult

'Adult' is really another way to name someone who is emotionally mature, who loves fully, is kind, has great boundaries and who can communicate effectively. We do not automatically become adults when we turn 18! In fact many of us are still working on it...

There are many, many ways to become an adult. One of them is to remember this: No one can make you feel a limiting emotion without your agreement.

Think about that. No one can make you angry unless, somewhere in there, you have made the choice to be so. No one can make you sad without your permission. Sure, some terrible things can be done and said by others. We really do affect one other in many ways, yet ultimately we each have the power to decide how we respond. Another person might have a very different response than we did.

If there is anything that is most responsible for how we feel, it is our beliefs, our values and the soft spots in our hearts - both the wounds and the open parts. We have emotions that tell us when something is okay or not okay - in relation to how we are organized inside. The key is to ask whether we want to make any changes to that organization or not. Thats where our power lies.

We cannot control what other people do or say. If we believe they have the power to make us feel or think in ways that limit our ability to be peaceful, rational and kind, then we agree to being powerless. This is where we take on the role of victim.

When we find we are feeling like the victim of someone else, we can make the adult choice to notice what that brings up inside, look at what our part is in the dynamic and then make appropriate decisions. That may be to shift our own response, it may be to stay and communicate about what comes up for us, or it may be to leave. Whatever decision we make, we will be making it with a clarity of heart and a grown-up self.

If we would each take more responsibility for our reactions to outside influences, what a powerful and connected world we will be in! I aspire to that, for myself, for those around me, and for our planet. So I invite you to join me in stepping deeper into adulthood... Next time we have limiting feelings that come up, let's take a moment to own them, ask if that reaction/response serves the outcome that is ultimately desired, and then let's shift accordingly. We can still honor the feelings, run them through the higher parts of ourselves and then find a resourceful and loving next step...

Peace.

© 2008 Justina Vail Evans. All rights reserved.